The rest is still unwritten

How did I deserve this?

Dear diary.

I’m at my wit’s ends. I don’t know how to go on in this fucked up relationship.
He said he’s in love with five different women, one of them his old Italian crack whore… But he’s not in love with me.
Oh well, everything one wants to hear on a Friday night, eh? PUKE please!

I don’t understand how one guy can be so unsure about his whole life. On the one hand he is a maniac and pressures himself to undergo changes all the time, on the other hand he always explains how important structure in his daily life is. I’m certainly a part of his “structured and save” life here in the city, but how come he is still complaining that he doesn’t feel any butterflies? I mean, I think it’s normal to not feel any butterflies after being together or knowing each other for more than two years! But isn’t the safety to know, you can trust the other person and have someone always on your side no matter what, something positive? 

I don’t get him. I don’t understand him. One day I thought we have a really good relationship now and the next I’m in front of a thousand question marks.

Hell, where did my mind go? I don’t know what to do.
I’m tempted to hit every single one of those women he seemingly is having a crush on and him with a baseball bat.
Or just do nothing at all and ignore him.

I know though that ignorance nor violence is a solution in this case.

Boys. Can’t live with ‘em.
Can’t live without ‘em.

Fuck. 

If he doesnt even have a few hours to spend with you out of a week, then dump him, tell him you need to be with someone that will be around often, and isnt to busy to be with someone they LOVE.

Save me rejection from my reflection. I want perfection

These days it’s hard to catch up with my friends. I feel like I’m letting everybody down all the time. Even neglected a cool job opportunity (and now hate myself for that) today. I’m such a mess.

At least I got my statistics paper done for uni tomorrow. Something positive for today! On the other hand I don’t feel “home” at my home. It’s cold and it seems like years since I felt comfortable in my own room of this shared flat appartment. What happened? Where did my optimistic side start hiding?

 I want to feel save again. I don’t like being scared. I want for good things to happen. And I really need a job, badly.

Tell coincidence to help me out!